Am I worthy of love?

She says: In general, what makes a person either lovable or not worthy of love?

He says: Good question! I can share my opinion. It is not the absolute truth though, just so you know.

She says: Of course. And often, I disagree. So, what do you think? What makes a person, lovable, or not worthy of love?

He says: Hmm…to begin with, it is the face value or the facade. The superficial. Pretty much how infatuations happen.

Online dating is a good example. People get attracted to a photograph under the pretext that the person he or she is chatting with is the person in the pictures.

With time though, it is the little gestures, the thoughts, and the ideas that you start liking. You start craving for subtle gestures made by that person.

Few innocent unpretentious expressions start to appeal to you. Something that you don’t even share with the person, however, you silently observe.

She says: Let me phrase this differently.

What would make someone unlovable or not worthy of love? 

He says: Did you not say Loveable?

She says: Yes, I did. Now I am rephrasing. Look at my previous question. Your interpretation was different from mine. 

I want criteria, a cut-off point, like “this” is loveable and “that” is not, with flexibility obviously. So tell me what would make someone not worthy of love?

He says: I don’t think we can draw a line that strong.

However, let me start by saying that being unfaithful would count as the biggest reason to feel that a person is not loveable. That’s in the case of pure love when it’s just about two individuals.

On the other hand, bigotry could be the root of all hatred towards someone. If someone contradicts my opinion and beliefs, and I am not fluid enough to understand, I may start not liking that person.

For that matter, preconceived notions and prejudice, which is ideally not the fault of the person at the receiving end, can still cause unlikely hatred from someone.

She says: So you think that someone who cheated should not be loved, never forgiven? 

He says: That’s a complementary question. 

She says: So I am asking about what makes someone unlovable, not what causes hatred from others! 

He says: It is an extension to what you asked. 

She says: I don’t think so. Hating is my choice. If you are unlovable, then no one will love you, not just me. 

He says: Okay! I answered it from the perspective of why I would not be likely to find someone not likable or loveable. Whereas, you are asking, what makes someone unlovable? Have I got it right now? 

She says: Give me your answer and I will see. But yes, I am talking about an inherent trait in someone that would make them unworthy of love. 

He says: I will begin by saying this…

Nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so.

Having said that, I will be unlovable if I do not conform to the norms of society.

I won’t go into what the norms are, as they are a million of them. Anyone trying to go against them will most likely be considered a “rebel“, for the lack of a better word.

Something which appeals to one may not appeal to the other, right?

Hence, my answer is pretty much the same as my beginning. Unless you are asking for me to define specific attributes that make me unlovable. 

She says: Why would not conforming make you unlovable? Don’t rebels have people who love them? 

He says: That’s what I said to start with. What may be unlovable for you could be lovable for me. It all depends on our thought process. 

She says: Okay. You were telling me you don’t like people intolerant to others’ opinions and unfaithfulness. So these would be your particular cut off points. Is that it?

He says: Let’s take an example. A guy kills another guy in a fit of rage.

Ideally, the close ones of the dead will find the killer unlovable due to the heinous act. However, the close ones of the killer will still fight for his innocence, that everything happened as an accident. 

She says: So the killer is not inherently unlovable?

He says: Not really.  That’s when I said intolerance of others’ opinions.

I can have a prejudice that he is the killer, and I will find him unlovable immediately. But that may not be the fact. Do you see what I mean? 

She says: So you are telling me about people not liking others because of their intolerance to opinions and unfaithfulness, etc?

He says: That’s my opinion on how people may behave to find someone unlovable. 

She says: And what makes you think makes someone unworthy of love? 

He says: I don’t find people unlovable, and I am not exaggerating.

I may get upset, but then I start thinking from their perspective and forget about being upset. Hence, it may not apply in black and white. However, yes, my initial opinions, may be based on all the things I have said at the beginning of our conversation: prejudices, intolerances blah blah blah. 

She says: You think everyone on earth is worthy of love?

He says: Yes, ma’am. 

She says: Why?

What makes everyone worthy of love

He says: Their very existence! 

She says: So just existence makes you lovable. Why?

Why does your existing not make you an inherent nuisance?

He says: Wow, that’s a curveball question!

Even if your inherent existence is supposed to be a nuisance, that nuisance has been put into place for a certain specific reason. Unless you know for a fact that its existence is totally absurd and worthless. You never know what role it has to play.

That could be a nuisance for millions, but one.

That one negates the fact that it could be thoroughly unlovable. 

She says: Interesting. Can you make a case why everyone is inherently lovable? 

He says: I just did, didn’t I?

She says: No, you did not. What makes me lovable? What is the reason which makes one lovable?

You can be useful, yet not lovable. And I am not even raising the fact that there could be no reason. Let’s not get into that. 

He says: Because, I have a part to play in the lifetime of at least one living being, who would ignore all my follies and find me worthy to be loved.

It could be my plants whom I would like to water every day to keep them healthy. Even though I am doing it out of sheer selfish interest. Seeing a life form grow in front of me makes me happy.

She says: You can be useful yet not loveable. 

He says: That’s a very good point. Hmm. How do I draw the line between useful and just useful, but not useful enough to have raised an inkling of a loveable emotion? 

She says: What if you have no plant and no lover?

What if you play no part? That does not make you inherently loveable!

He says: That’s what I am thinking about.

Can one be useful, yet not loveable?

She says: Apart from usefulness, is there anything that makes us all loveable? 

He says: Life! The beauty of the fact that there is growth. 

She says: Being alive makes me loveable? Why?

He says: How one grows is not the point. Ok, answer this…

Given a choice between a bench and a living being with whom you had to spend a long time, say life. What would you choose?

She says: It depends on the being. Not everyone is good to spend time with. Someone who is boring narrow-minded, etc. I don’t want to spend a lot of time with them, but they are still loveable?

He says: Exactly. If you were left on an island for months together, will you choose a bench over that person or animal? 

She says: I would spend most of my time alone. 

He says: We are not talking about personal choices here. Think generally. 

She says: I can’t read the minds of other people. And if I think this way, how do you know what most people don’t. 

He says: True, but the other half, who think like me would prefer a living being over a non-living being.

With living things, there is a constant change, which you can witness. A bench will simply lie there, and rot. 

She says: But that does not mean you love that person regardless of who it is. 

He says: Loveable. You asked what makes one lovable. I don’t have to love that person. But they command the likability, just because they are living beings. They feel!

She says: They feel so they are loveable?

He says: Yes. 

She says: Actually, I love that answer. You are awesome!

If you are reading this, thank you for taking your time out. This is an excerpt from a conversation that I thought was worth sharing.

It will be awesome if you could post your thoughts on the same in the comments section below and also share it with your friends.

The conversation does not necessarily have to stop here, instead, I hope this is the starting point of many such conversations with you and everyone who writes back!!!! Stay wannabe!

P.S. The featured photograph in this post has been taken by me using an iPhone 6 only.   

 

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