A conversation about identity
A major part of travelling is meeting new people and having great conversations — you never know who you are going to meet or what you will end up talking about. That, in essence, is the beauty of the surprise. That may also introduce you to your identity.
Something such happened when he met a Moroccan girl from France. It began the moment they sat down to dinner, when she said, in a low inquisitive voice…
She
He
She says
The questions that you have for yourself are more career-related questions, right?
He says
Yeah, I guess!
She says
You believe that your job defines you?
He says
Nope, but since it takes a major part of the day of my life, it has to have its fair share of influence on what will become of me.
She says
But, surely you are so much more than this… Routine says more about who you are than your job. Your open-mindedness and self-awareness and curiosity too. Your approach to life, in other words. Which of this is your essence?
He says
My approach to life is what I believe defines my character. However, what I do or plan to do as part of my routine will always have an effect on shaping some innate attributes that will eventually play a role in character definition.
She says
Ok, so you stick with "you are your character/personality"?
He says
I guess.
She says
But, don't you believe that character/personality changes over time? Is who you are only temporary then?
He says
My approach towards life defines me. Events, situations, and circumstances have a role to play in my attitude — however dynamic it is, I can say "Personality is a constant change."
She says
So, even your "Essence" changes? There is no stable part of self?
He says
Essence, I don't think so.
She says
If someone loves you, what do they love about you? Do they keep falling in love with the changing you?
He says
Essence is the foundation of character. If that changes within me, I lose myself. If I were to love someone, I would love without judgments — be open to all the flaws. One plays an important part in the changing attitudes of one's partner, and if one is playing a part, one might as well be open to adapt.
She says
But sometimes, you don't play a part. Yet people change. What is it you love about them? Also — you said "Essence is the foundation of character. If that changes, you lose yourself." What exactly would you be losing?
He says
I will lose myself if I have no clue about the changes happening in and around me. The real problem occurs when you don't even know what or how things have changed — because then, you may be dwelling in an essence which is not the true "you" anymore. Thus, you lose yourself.
She says
Ok, so your identity is based on your character — and your essence is based on your awareness of your morality.
He says
My awareness feeds my essence, which builds my character, which further forms my identity.
She says
What is the difference between essence and identity?
He says
For me, essence is the principles by which you live. Identity is what people see in you and form their opinions. In a way, it is like saying — "I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you interpret."
The equation
Awareness feeds essence.
Essence builds character.
Character forms identity.
Essence builds character.
Character forms identity.
Unpack the chain — tap each layer
Layer 01 Awareness
Knowing what is changing in and around you. Without it, you can drift into an essence that is no longer yours — and not even notice.
Layer 02 Essence
The principles by which you live. Your foundation. It can shift — but as long as you're aware it's shifting, you remain in control. Lose awareness, and you lose essence.
Layer 03 Character
Built on essence. Expressed through routine, decisions, and how you treat people. Dynamic — shaped by every event, situation, and circumstance.
Layer 04 Identity
What the world sees and forms opinions about. You are responsible for what you project. You are not responsible for how it is interpreted.
I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you interpret.
The conversation · Morocco meets Singapore
If you are reading this, thank you for taking the time. This is an excerpt from a conversation I thought was worth sharing.
The conversation does not have to stop here — I hope this is the starting point of many such conversations. Stay Wannabe.
The takeaway The most dangerous loss is not losing yourself to change — it is losing yourself without noticing the change has happened.
The StayWannabe journey
BE › BECOMING › BECOME
Identity is not a destination. It is what you carry through the arc.
Right now — do you know who you are?
2,841 say yes
7,204 relate
3,516 say no
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